SEATTLE WOMAN CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN VICTIM OF VICIOUS SPITBALL ATTACK
Posted by rdows on February 7, 2008
Photo shows Ms. Lassie Nyll of Seattle after alleged attack.
Ms. Lassie Nyll of Seattle claims to have been the victim of a vicious spitball attack. She said that she was jogging when she was set upon by a spitball that was so large that it covered her entire head. (see photo)
There were no witnesses to this alleged attack. No police report was filed. Ms. Nyll said, “I thought that it was more important to get my name, and photo in the news.”
When questioned by this reporter as to what Ms. Nyll will do next, she responded, “First I’m going to get this thing off my head, and then I’m going to start a blog Spitballshit.thatswhattheydo.org, and a group, Families, and Pets Against Spitballs, to rid this world of spitballs, and their spitters. Then I may go to a famous theme park, and try to jog again.”
Ms. Nyll continued, “While I was waiting for the media to arrive, I received a call on my cell phone from Ass.Ass.Ass. D.A. Snorri Kelson offering his help. He is so helpful.” Ms Nyll gushed.
“Ass.Ass.Ass. D.A. Kelson has so much experience in the eradication of spitballs, and their users. I’m so pleased that he is lending his legal expertise to my project, and the best part is that the taxpayers of the lowest city in the U.S.A. are paying his salary.” exclaims Ms.Nyll with a smile.
Dr. Fleming Hawkins said
My brother, Clem Hawkins, is a doctor, and a specialist in the treatment of the disorders of salivary glands and Tourette’s syndrome. he says that this woman was likely the victim of a person who had to spit because he or she had Tourettes and was at a loss for WORDS. He says perhaps the spit is less offensive than the words would have been because when a Tourette’s person has the salivary glands removed, as is a common form of treatment, the STUFF THAT COMES OUTA THEIR MOUTH, HOOOO BOY! As a treatment he suggests the victim go soak her head in a mixture of urinal cakes, dissolved in pig blood, and some lysol.
Phlegm (as my friends call me)
sonny said
apropos of a totally different incident, let me remind one and all that just because someone is on drugs does not mean that they weren’t also a victim of vicious spitballers.
in my own case, i’ve been on oxcontin, vicodin, valium, midol, sudafed and nyquil syrup while being bombarded with paper straw wrappers. and that was just last night at perkins restaurant.