Dateline Iowa: BREAKING NEWS STORY….. SPITBALL VICTIM SPEAKS OUT

From small town Iowa USA this reporter has the phenomenal story of a common person turned zealot by an atrocious spitball attack. Gloriosity Puff agreed to sit down with this reporter, and speak out. Ms. Puff had tried her hand at several careers, artist, writer, before finally finding her niche as a mime. Since her attack Ms. Puff can no longer be quiet. In her own words we learn why gestures are no longer enough.

“This extremely traumatic event has changed my previously drab, and uncelebrated exsistence into a slightly fanatical whirlwind of exposure.” our ill fated victim Gloriosity Puff states, with a slightly manacial grin.

Our unfortunate spitball attack victim goes on to describe the terrifying moment of the attack to this reporter. While her frenzied words echoed in my head, I was repeatedly drawn back to a single dark statement this victim made early in our interview; “There is absolutely no place in this world for spitballs. They are malicious, malevolent and without a doubt they are all capable of killing”

When asked how she had come upon the decision to reach out to other victims of vicious spitball attacks she related what she describes as an epiphany; “All my life, psychologists such as world renowned Dr. Anonymous have diagnosed me as having extreme dysphoria..but the moments after the attack I felt a sense of direction in my previously uncharted and meaningless life. It was as if choirs of musical notes accompanied by a grand light suddenly shined down upon me highlighting the dripping saliva, and bits of paper remnants. It was that very moment that I knew without a doubt I could take the indignity of this spitball attack and create a new purpose…something which would garner me the attention I so deeply deserve.”

When asked why her focus would be on the spitballs themselves and not the actual shooters of the spitballs, Gloriosity Puff shrugged her shoulders, and replied in rather a stressed, even shrill voice; “We do not hold spitters accountable for any other reasons….so why start now? Besides, it is a well known fact that news reporters such as yourself are only interested in stories that have loads of gooey spit and highly over-dramatical rhetoric. Truth and accountability have NO PLACE in my mission!! I know about the news media” Puff shouted “If it drools, it rules.”

Ms. Puff precipitously ended our interview, but this small town USA reporter was left with the distinct feeling that Ms. Puff was a spitball victim willing to do whatever it took to gain a public persona and a following of other victims who previously have had no direction, or purpose in their lives.

By Persi Flage
persiflage@live.com