FLORIDA DOG LATEST SPITBALL VICTIM

A direct hit from the above pictured spitball on an innocent pet caused a mauling the likes which has never before been seen in this peaceful community.

Keystone, Florida: “I couldn’t believe the size of that thing” said Elmer Shiftless, an eyewitness who tried in vain to come between the spitball and the victim.
“It was relentless in its directive. It appeared as if the spitball itself was stalking the unwary pooch.”

When asked about the spitter, Shiftless, the eyewitness could do nothing more than sputter “There ain’t NO PLACE for them spitballs in our town!!! I jist hear’d tell that there spokesman fer Human $pitters Using $pitballs said that most all spitters are usin’ coolaid to injection their spitballs-making them more sticky, and hard as the dickins to get off their victims.”

The owner of the poor victim Tony Euclid told us “I could tell by the blue stains on my dog that she had been hit by this massive missile. But I was running late, and in such a hurry to get to work I just took some pictures, using a pencil to show the enormous size of this thing and left my poor dog to lick off those horrid tell tale signs of the spitball attack!!”

But imagine Mr. Euclid’s horror when he arrived home from his job at Leadbetter’s Pencil Factory find that the spitter had struck AGAIN!!!!

“My poor dog was a repeat victim of a merciless spitter. When I walked in and saw that she had been forced to endure not only being hit again by a huge fuzzy blue spitball…but that the spitter had used her as a drying rack and subjected her to a relentless and frenzied drying process just broke my heart.”

Pooch used as drying rack for humongous, possibly blueberry coolaid injected furry spitball.

Keystone’s cops have taken the fuzzy spitball into custody and have stated they will not release the spitball back into mainstream society. There appears to be no attempt at finding the hairdryer wielding spitter but local officials have decided to look into the possibility of enacting some sort of Ball Specific Legislation, which would include both saliva spitballs and the coolaid injected variety, as well. It is unknown at this time whether the tools used by spitters will be named in this legislation or not.